If anyone actually read the first two posts to this blog, you will note that I have just changed the name (for those of you in the cheap seats, the original name was "A Day in the Life of a Bargain Hunter"). That title was a spur-of-the-moment thing, due to the fact that I had a spur-of-the-moment desire to begin (yet another) blog, without any real idea as to what would be going into it as far as content. I just had some thoughts I wanted to get off my chest, so I grabbed the first lame title that came to mind (and, lo and behold, it had everything to do with the topic on my mind at the moment) and slapped the blog up. Hopefully this will be a more enduring and appropriate title.
All that being said, I have been prompted lately to think about my childhood, and the origins of my desire for novelty. I recall rather vividly one fantasy I had as a child. I would call it a wish but, even as a dumb kid I knew that there could be no such place. I wanted very badly to live in a house that changed every day. Not just wall color or furniture arrangement, but the actual layout of the house. Essentially, I wanted to come home to a different house each and every day. I didn't care (or even think about, actually) what the outside would look like. All I wanted was to have new rooms, new halls, new everything to explore each day. I remember simultaneously loving and hating to go over to the houses of friends & neighbors, as, unless I already knew their homes by heart, I would yearn to see how they were laid out, what lay behind every door, and what shapes and arrangements their houses had that mine did not. Being the quiet, polite child that I was, however, I never dared ask for a tour, let alone go tearing through or snooping on my own. For a long time I considered myself "nosy" because of this desire. But looking back now, I see that these two wishes were merely branches of the same tree. The same tree that now has me taking off into the unknown backwoods on my own, to explore places much grander than any built by man.
Another early thought which has recently come to make much more sense is my recurring wonderment at why people need such large spaces in which to live. I remember thinking this often when my friends and I would build "forts" out of lawn furniture and sofa cushions, draping them with towels or sheets for roofs. I was always so pleased with the spaces I built, all cozy and dark. Just large enough for me and maybe a book or two. I felt I could be amazingly happy if I were given a place like this in which to live out my days (obviously I had no clue what middle age speread was, nor what a great decline in agility one experiences as one ages). I was spurred to think of this again when I was a teenager, and met a fellow who was living in the closet of a house he shared with several other guys. He seemed quite happy there, with his mattress on the floor and his few posessions in sacks near at hand. Although I now need quite a bit of space in order to earn my living, I have returned to my "roots," as it were, and have chosen to give up the large house in favor of living on a boat. Nice and cozy. Not to mention the extra added benefits (over a fort built of pillows and such) of a kitchen and the sound of waves lapping at the hull to lull me to sleep.
So, there you have it. A couple of bits of cobweb from my past, that I'll probably need to re-hash again in a few years. I sincerely hope you weren't looking for a point in this post, though, as I'm afraid there is none. Just me figuring myself out and sharing my earth-shaking revelations with those few who would bother to read them.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
Four years later...
I wrote this about a month ago, but wanted to share it today. I really surprised myself when I was looking through some of my old journals.
I just found a journal entry from about four years ago, in which I had set out for myself some five-year goals. Many of them were inspired by having read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and other things, and this exact journal entry was inspired by a CD I’d been listening to, 21 Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires. The funny thing is, I ran across this entry after reading, & nearly crying over, some other journal bits & bobs about my relationship with John, and how I was struggling with it so earnestly, wishing he were so many things that he was not, and trying so hard to reconcile those facts with my fantasy that he was the perfect guy for me, long-term.
Ever since I left John, I’ve had a nagging suspicion that I shouldn’t have, that I somehow did him horribly wrong, and that he somehow could have accommodated my wishes to travel, enjoy the outdoors, and otherwise live as I want. But re-reading the journal entries that came before this, and then looking at what my actual goals were, I have to admit that, I was never going to be able to change him, and what I enjoyed simply did not bring him enjoyment. At least, not the roughing it, active, outdoorsy part of it. Sure, he would’ve enjoyed the pool and the hot tub. But I relinquished those dreams gladly, for the opportunity to have such a large chunk of my others fulfilled. Here’s the journal entry, so I can dissect it:
6/11/01
Dream big, eh? That’s supposedly the first of 21 secrets of self-made millionaires. It seems as though every time I try to dream big, or even put details into a smaller dream, I get scared and have to back off. I think it’s the analytical side of me, saying to myself “no, no, you can’t do that! It’s too much work!” or “It’s too far from here to there!” I suppose it is, at least in part, that sort of self-limiting thinking that has been holding me back up until now. So in order to even be able to do the first thing recommended, I’m going to have to work through some issues. Bummer.
I think I might be able to put a “dream” down in writing better than if I was just creating it in my head. I know I’ve already gone through this process once, in a smaller, more realistic way, when I was doing the exercises in “Do It!” Let’s try:
In five years, when I am living my perfect life, I will be:
Maintaining my goal weight “effortlessly” through diet and regular exercise
Well on my way to financial independence, through smart investments and wise spending habits
Traveling regularly, taking all the more exotic trips I have dreamed about, and many to places I haven’t yet thought of
Doing more active vacations; hiking, skiing, kayaking, hang gliding, etc.
Having plenty of time and motivation to follow my favorite recreational pursuits besides travel, such as scrapbooking, cooking and cross stitch
Doing something I love for a living to earn the money I invest so wisely
Debt-free, except perhaps for my mortgage
Living happily in the same house I am now living in, keeping it well maintained and neatly organized, hiring help to clean as necessary.
Possibly swimming in the privacy-screen enclosed pool I have had installed in my own back yard (but which I pay someone to maintain), and definitely soaking in the hot tub I’ve had installed in the Florida room
Spending plenty of quality time with my family, and possibly even facilitating a family reunion
Completely free of television. I won’t require John to be, but I really don’t think I will miss it all that much, and it is a huge time-waster that annoys me
“My perfect life,” eh? Well, as of today (6/28/05), just four years after that was written, I have accomplished the following list items:
Maintaining my goal weight “effortlessly” through diet and regular exercise
Traveling regularly, taking all the more exotic trips I have dreamed about, and many to places I haven’t yet thought of
Doing more active vacations; hiking, skiing, kayaking, hang gliding, etc.
Having plenty of time and motivation to follow my favorite recreational pursuits besides travel, such as scrapbooking, cooking and cross stitch
Doing something I love for a living to earn the money I invest so wisely
Debt-free, except perhaps for my mortgage
Completely free of television
Spending plenty of quality time with my family, and possibly even facilitating a family reunion
The red parts are the portions of semi-accomplished goals that I’ve yet to reach.
Let me first address these items.
-Traveling regularly – yup, pretty much any time I want. And I have more modes of doing so now (two sailboats). Granted, the “exotic trips” are just beginning, but I find it especially intriguing that I put that part about “places I haven’t yet thought of” in there. Whole new realms of possibility have opened up to me with the people I’ve met (e.g. Leo – Alaska, Jeff – Central & South America).
-Although I’m currently nowhere near my goal weight, I have finally found the strength within myself to commit to losing the weight I don’t want. This makes me quite happy in the certainty that, by the previously appointed five-year mark, I will indeed be at my goal weight, and maintaining it in fun and interesting ways.
-More active vacations – it strikes me how often this has cropped up in my writings while I was with John, and how restricted I felt by his lack of motivation for such activities. Jeff is up for almost anything, and even supports my thoughts of taking off on my own. I’m not sure I could have found a better partner for active vacations, or for letting me take off on individual adventures.
-Having plenty of time & motivation…OK, while I admit I’m still susceptible to depression & the insidious “scrapper’s block” (which happens to currently be plaguing me, but that I believe I shall soon overcome), I certainly have plenty of time for these things. Can’t complain at all, there.
-Doing something I love – how much more fun could I have than shopping for a living? And, as mentioned in the item above, I try to keep my time investment down – 6 hours a day or less of work – so that I have plenty of time to pursue my avocational passions.
-Debt free – ‘nuff said J
-Completely free of television – to think that I could escape TV at mom’s house was folly, if that’s what I meant at the time, but I doubt it. So I’d say I’ve pretty well accomplished this.
-Quality time with family. Well, since mom’s all that’s left around here, I’m doing ok on that. I'm just to enjoy her while she’s here. And I even managed a nice visit with David last spring. Hopefully someday I’ll make it to Idaho to see Steve again. As for the family reunion though…now that there are so few of us left, and I’ve realized that Dave & Steve don’t get along so well, perhaps that was a bad idea. Probably prompted by good intentions, but also probably a waste of time. The only thing that would make it not such, would be the fact that mom would be really happy to see her kids & grandkids again. But I’m afraid the money involved in getting all of them here, or the struggle involved on getting her on a plane to see them, would pretty much make these things impossible.
Now, to address those things which I’ve not yet accomplished, even partially.
- Well on my way to financial independence, through smart investments and wise spending habits
I suppose this actually depends on how you define “financial independence,” but the way I defined it back then (“having enough passive income that I could work or not, as I chose”) is far from where I am now. So, rather than redefining financial independence, I’m going to have to admit that I’m nowhere near it, decide how much I really want it, and, regardless of whether or not I intend to shoot for it, be sure to work on the smart investments and wise spending habits parts, as these are valuable regardless, and need a lot of work!
- Living happily in the same house I am now living in, keeping it well maintained and neatly organized, hiring help to clean as necessary.
Here is where two roads diverged in a wood, and I chose the path less taken. Giving up my house was a huge decision, but it enabled me to be where I am now, doing what I love, and has given me so much freedom that I am quite certain I made the right decision. Thus, this goal would probably need modification for my next five-year plan; something along the lines of “Living happily in a comfortable, organized space” would probably be appropriate.
-Possibly swimming in the privacy-screen enclosed pool I have had installed in my own back yard (but which I pay someone to maintain), and definitely soaking in the hot tub I’ve had installed in the Florida room
Along with the house, this one went out the window. Since I still have my gym membership, though, swimming pools and hot tubs are still at my disposal, even if I can’t enjoy them in the nudity or sharing way I had hoped. For that, I’ll just have to hike to hot springs with Jeff ;)
So, all in all, I feel I have certainly kept to the spirit of my five-year plan, even though I haven’t reviewed it in four years. That’s not to say that this is a good way of going about things.
I just found a journal entry from about four years ago, in which I had set out for myself some five-year goals. Many of them were inspired by having read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and other things, and this exact journal entry was inspired by a CD I’d been listening to, 21 Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires. The funny thing is, I ran across this entry after reading, & nearly crying over, some other journal bits & bobs about my relationship with John, and how I was struggling with it so earnestly, wishing he were so many things that he was not, and trying so hard to reconcile those facts with my fantasy that he was the perfect guy for me, long-term.
Ever since I left John, I’ve had a nagging suspicion that I shouldn’t have, that I somehow did him horribly wrong, and that he somehow could have accommodated my wishes to travel, enjoy the outdoors, and otherwise live as I want. But re-reading the journal entries that came before this, and then looking at what my actual goals were, I have to admit that, I was never going to be able to change him, and what I enjoyed simply did not bring him enjoyment. At least, not the roughing it, active, outdoorsy part of it. Sure, he would’ve enjoyed the pool and the hot tub. But I relinquished those dreams gladly, for the opportunity to have such a large chunk of my others fulfilled. Here’s the journal entry, so I can dissect it:
6/11/01
Dream big, eh? That’s supposedly the first of 21 secrets of self-made millionaires. It seems as though every time I try to dream big, or even put details into a smaller dream, I get scared and have to back off. I think it’s the analytical side of me, saying to myself “no, no, you can’t do that! It’s too much work!” or “It’s too far from here to there!” I suppose it is, at least in part, that sort of self-limiting thinking that has been holding me back up until now. So in order to even be able to do the first thing recommended, I’m going to have to work through some issues. Bummer.
I think I might be able to put a “dream” down in writing better than if I was just creating it in my head. I know I’ve already gone through this process once, in a smaller, more realistic way, when I was doing the exercises in “Do It!” Let’s try:
In five years, when I am living my perfect life, I will be:
Maintaining my goal weight “effortlessly” through diet and regular exercise
Well on my way to financial independence, through smart investments and wise spending habits
Traveling regularly, taking all the more exotic trips I have dreamed about, and many to places I haven’t yet thought of
Doing more active vacations; hiking, skiing, kayaking, hang gliding, etc.
Having plenty of time and motivation to follow my favorite recreational pursuits besides travel, such as scrapbooking, cooking and cross stitch
Doing something I love for a living to earn the money I invest so wisely
Debt-free, except perhaps for my mortgage
Living happily in the same house I am now living in, keeping it well maintained and neatly organized, hiring help to clean as necessary.
Possibly swimming in the privacy-screen enclosed pool I have had installed in my own back yard (but which I pay someone to maintain), and definitely soaking in the hot tub I’ve had installed in the Florida room
Spending plenty of quality time with my family, and possibly even facilitating a family reunion
Completely free of television. I won’t require John to be, but I really don’t think I will miss it all that much, and it is a huge time-waster that annoys me
“My perfect life,” eh? Well, as of today (6/28/05), just four years after that was written, I have accomplished the following list items:
Maintaining my goal weight “effortlessly” through diet and regular exercise
Traveling regularly, taking all the more exotic trips I have dreamed about, and many to places I haven’t yet thought of
Doing more active vacations; hiking, skiing, kayaking, hang gliding, etc.
Having plenty of time and motivation to follow my favorite recreational pursuits besides travel, such as scrapbooking, cooking and cross stitch
Doing something I love for a living to earn the money I invest so wisely
Debt-free, except perhaps for my mortgage
Completely free of television
Spending plenty of quality time with my family, and possibly even facilitating a family reunion
The red parts are the portions of semi-accomplished goals that I’ve yet to reach.
Let me first address these items.
-Traveling regularly – yup, pretty much any time I want. And I have more modes of doing so now (two sailboats). Granted, the “exotic trips” are just beginning, but I find it especially intriguing that I put that part about “places I haven’t yet thought of” in there. Whole new realms of possibility have opened up to me with the people I’ve met (e.g. Leo – Alaska, Jeff – Central & South America).
-Although I’m currently nowhere near my goal weight, I have finally found the strength within myself to commit to losing the weight I don’t want. This makes me quite happy in the certainty that, by the previously appointed five-year mark, I will indeed be at my goal weight, and maintaining it in fun and interesting ways.
-More active vacations – it strikes me how often this has cropped up in my writings while I was with John, and how restricted I felt by his lack of motivation for such activities. Jeff is up for almost anything, and even supports my thoughts of taking off on my own. I’m not sure I could have found a better partner for active vacations, or for letting me take off on individual adventures.
-Having plenty of time & motivation…OK, while I admit I’m still susceptible to depression & the insidious “scrapper’s block” (which happens to currently be plaguing me, but that I believe I shall soon overcome), I certainly have plenty of time for these things. Can’t complain at all, there.
-Doing something I love – how much more fun could I have than shopping for a living? And, as mentioned in the item above, I try to keep my time investment down – 6 hours a day or less of work – so that I have plenty of time to pursue my avocational passions.
-Debt free – ‘nuff said J
-Completely free of television – to think that I could escape TV at mom’s house was folly, if that’s what I meant at the time, but I doubt it. So I’d say I’ve pretty well accomplished this.
-Quality time with family. Well, since mom’s all that’s left around here, I’m doing ok on that. I'm just to enjoy her while she’s here. And I even managed a nice visit with David last spring. Hopefully someday I’ll make it to Idaho to see Steve again. As for the family reunion though…now that there are so few of us left, and I’ve realized that Dave & Steve don’t get along so well, perhaps that was a bad idea. Probably prompted by good intentions, but also probably a waste of time. The only thing that would make it not such, would be the fact that mom would be really happy to see her kids & grandkids again. But I’m afraid the money involved in getting all of them here, or the struggle involved on getting her on a plane to see them, would pretty much make these things impossible.
Now, to address those things which I’ve not yet accomplished, even partially.
- Well on my way to financial independence, through smart investments and wise spending habits
I suppose this actually depends on how you define “financial independence,” but the way I defined it back then (“having enough passive income that I could work or not, as I chose”) is far from where I am now. So, rather than redefining financial independence, I’m going to have to admit that I’m nowhere near it, decide how much I really want it, and, regardless of whether or not I intend to shoot for it, be sure to work on the smart investments and wise spending habits parts, as these are valuable regardless, and need a lot of work!
- Living happily in the same house I am now living in, keeping it well maintained and neatly organized, hiring help to clean as necessary.
Here is where two roads diverged in a wood, and I chose the path less taken. Giving up my house was a huge decision, but it enabled me to be where I am now, doing what I love, and has given me so much freedom that I am quite certain I made the right decision. Thus, this goal would probably need modification for my next five-year plan; something along the lines of “Living happily in a comfortable, organized space” would probably be appropriate.
-Possibly swimming in the privacy-screen enclosed pool I have had installed in my own back yard (but which I pay someone to maintain), and definitely soaking in the hot tub I’ve had installed in the Florida room
Along with the house, this one went out the window. Since I still have my gym membership, though, swimming pools and hot tubs are still at my disposal, even if I can’t enjoy them in the nudity or sharing way I had hoped. For that, I’ll just have to hike to hot springs with Jeff ;)
So, all in all, I feel I have certainly kept to the spirit of my five-year plan, even though I haven’t reviewed it in four years. That’s not to say that this is a good way of going about things.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Cherry Poppers
So, I'm at this garage sale today, and this guy has a pretty good selection of CD box sets and DVDs and what not (well, it was only about a dozen, but that's awfully good for a garage sale around here) out for sale. Since these items tend to sell for higher dollar amounts than most books (and often more quickly), I'm happily checking them out...inputting the UPCs into my ScoutPal, checking at all the discs for scratches...that sort of thing. Lo and behold, hidden behind a special edition Evil Dead DVD, I find another disc. My first glance at the art on the disk (women wearing obscenely short Daisy Dukes and nearly exposing their breasts) and the title (Cherry Poppers or some such) makes me think it's some sort of rap album. I glance over my shoulder to see if anyone has seen me seeing it, and I tuck it back into its hiding place. Slowly, the realization dawns on me...that's no rap album...that's a porn flick! Being that my ex worked in a porn store, you'd think it'd occur to me a bit quicker than that, but...
So I gather up all the good stuff this guy has to offer, and ask him to make me a package deal. $15, he says. Not bad, given that as of this writing (roughly 12 hours after I bought this stuff from him) I've already made back my purchase price. So I pay him and notice that his wife has conveniently gone into the house. I catch his attention and slip the disc to him, saying I wanted to make sure that the ladies were gone first. He thanks me profusely, then gives me some garbage about how he was supposed to be selling them for his brother. Yeah, right, whatever buddy. Save it for someone who might believe you. When his wife comes back out he asks her to hold down the fort (so he can dispose of, or re-hide, as the case may be, the goods).
I just wish people could be more honest with each other. Like this guy with his wife, for example. I don't really expect him to be forthright with me, a total stranger, but...I'd hope you'd be able to share anything with your mate. I know, I know...among others, this is one of the reasons that I have an ex. So I guess I've just learned a lesson that some others, this fella among them, have yet to learn.
So I gather up all the good stuff this guy has to offer, and ask him to make me a package deal. $15, he says. Not bad, given that as of this writing (roughly 12 hours after I bought this stuff from him) I've already made back my purchase price. So I pay him and notice that his wife has conveniently gone into the house. I catch his attention and slip the disc to him, saying I wanted to make sure that the ladies were gone first. He thanks me profusely, then gives me some garbage about how he was supposed to be selling them for his brother. Yeah, right, whatever buddy. Save it for someone who might believe you. When his wife comes back out he asks her to hold down the fort (so he can dispose of, or re-hide, as the case may be, the goods).
I just wish people could be more honest with each other. Like this guy with his wife, for example. I don't really expect him to be forthright with me, a total stranger, but...I'd hope you'd be able to share anything with your mate. I know, I know...among others, this is one of the reasons that I have an ex. So I guess I've just learned a lesson that some others, this fella among them, have yet to learn.
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