Well, that was disappointing.

Just got back from the holiday party held by the apartment complex. The announcement that was sent out specified "appropriate dress," but apparently folks' interpretation of that varies widely. For the most part, though, I guess it involves jeans & t-shirts. Naturally, I was overdressed (pathetic, considering I was wearing the same thing I wore out to a movie in NYC). The food was OK, but it just depressed me to see all the serving people done up in their tux shirts and bow ties, serving schlubs in shorts and flip-flops. Mom has never gone before, and she has decided she won't go again. I might go next year, but I can assure you I won't bother dressing up.

As I type this, Mom's watching a special about gangsters and their guns, which just happens to feature photos and movie footage taken at the scene of Bonnie & Clyde's death. The re-enactment they put together featured an ivory car, but, having seen it (and my memory is backed up by the death scene documentation in the show), I can assure you it was a dung brown shade. Ah, the historical innacuracies of television...how might I stomach them? ;)

Isn't this just the neglected little blog?

Poor thing. I figured I'd better pay it some attention. And what better time than when I'm laid low with some mystery illness when I should by all rights be, well, very close to, footloose & fancy free?!

You see, tomorrow is my last test (not truly a final, although it might as well be for how hard I've had to study for it) in my Logic class (formal proofs sucked when I was in 9th grade Geometry class...and they still suck, although I'm at least a little better at them now), so in theory I should be setting up for a couple of weeks in which my only responsibilities are my money-earning endeavours. But noooo, I have to go and catch some sort of icky sore-throat-with-horrendous-body-aches thing. I think it's one of my classmates that gave it to me, to boot. A couple of them have been coming in sick on and off all semester, and all along I've dreaded catching something. I'm not sure what fate is trying to tell my by finally allowing me to come down with an illness right at the time when I should be able to devote some serious amounts of time to creativity, but I'd probably be peeved if I did know, so I'll just bitch about it for a paragraph or two, and leave it at that. :)

Jeff & I are still getting along splendidly...now if I could just get us back to where we were when we were dating, and actually went out and did something once in a while...you know, kayaking, biking, hiking...almost anything would do. We did go for a long walk down by the redneck riviera local to the apartment a week or so ago, so perhaps we'll get there eventually. If I can get him to do what I originally (like, three years ago) hooked up with him for, though, I'll be happiest...that is to say, SAILING. :)

As for other things? Well, the fellow in New York has managed to out-ignore me, and, after much waffling, I've signed up for two classes in the coming semester. I dragged my feet too long to get the acting course I wanted, so I opted for a script analysis course instead. Judging by the text, it looks like it'll be interesting, not to mention intimate (there were only six others due to take it at the time I signed up for it). Also, although I still need to go into advisement and officially change my major, and do a double-check, I'm pretty sure my Western Civ II class will allow me to finally complete an AA degree (even if it's "only in Psych"). I'm not interested in walking, just getting that little piece of paper that says "yay, you finally completed something, you loser!" Heh. Just kidding. Kinda. It does seem sort of strange to have taken so many courses and still not have anything to show for it but a huge load of useless trivia in my head.

Latest scoop

Yep, it's been a while, so I figured I ought to update y'all on what's going down.

Jeff and I broke up a bit before I left for New York. I'm staying with Mom for the time being, till I can finish my degree and maybe decide what I want to be when I grow up. The good news is, Jeff & I are getting along much better now that we're not together 24/7. Not that that means there's any chance of us getting back together, but it is nice to know that we'll be able to stay friends.

The trip to New York was met with...mixed reviews. I got some very strange signals while up there, so I'm cooling my heels, waiting to hear if I should go ahead and dive back into being in love, or if I should move on. My preference is for the former, but...we don't always get our druthers. The waiting is the hardest part, and makes me very restless.

In the meantime, I'm setting up the best scrapping space I can at Mom's. Dog knows I've enough crap left to scrap...might as well enjoy the bazillions of dollars worth of crap in which I've invested. I'm also finishing up my Logic & Critical Thinking course. Man, I'm really going to miss these folks when this semester is over. I think if I switch my major back to Psych, I can be done with my classwork after just one more class, though, so then I'll be free to study whatever I wish, and not worry so much about completing....SOMEthing.

More polyphase twiddling

Not content with the early-morning grogginess I was experiencing on my pentaphasic schedule (four 20-minute naps plus one core of roughly 3 hours), I decided to try what is known in the polyphasic community as "Dymaxion Sleep." A term coined by R. Buckminster Fuller, this schedule consists of four evenly-spaced naps of 30 minutes each. After four days of it, however, I am finding that I still gravitate toward a core sleep between the hours of 4 and 7 am. Not that big of a deal, I suppose. I'm actually doing a bit of free-running sleep with this new schedule, trying to find what nap hours give me the most satisfying rest. Hopefully these will be kind enough to mesh well with my school schedule, which has recently been cut back to only my logic class after I determined that I simply will not be able to hack taking Precalc as a single course. Even with Jeff as a tutor, the class just. moves. too. fast. As much as I despise admitting defeat, having only one class 3x a week does allow me a bit more ease in monkeying with my sleep patterns, as well as freeing up time for other things, such as, possibly, a job. Jury's still out on that one, as I still have a godawful load of crap here to sell on eBay, should I ever be able to once again muster the gumption to list. Don't know why I so despise the process...but I do. Perhaps after my mid-November trek north. I usually return from a vacation, even a miniature one, with renewed gusto for such unpleasantness. We shall see...

In any event, I'm thinking that if I can settle myself into a reasonably structured sleep schedule that keeps my energy levels where I want them, I just might be able to hold down a part-time job of some little import. I've always wanted a book store job, for example. If I can ensure that all of my shifts are 6 hours or less (which, if given as a limitation going in, shouldn't be much of a problem for a part-timer), things should work out fine. The other thought I had was to return to my inventory job, but...although I know from experience that that sort of work doesn't go well with a monophasic sleep schedule, I also realize that any strict sort of polyphase is not the answer, either, due to the "you're stuck inside until it's over" nature of most inventories. A third option which presented itself just the other day was a "casual" Postal Service employee. You're not a member of the Postal Service, so, no benes, but it pays absurdly well, if erratically. One final thought that I've been toying with for quite a while is applying at Starbucks. It's not really a place where I think I'd have all that much temptation to indulge, and apparently even PT employees receive benefits. Not such a bad thing, really, as long as I think I can handle the mundanity of the work and my own lack of interest in the "culture" (if I dare call it that).

Material posessions

The parking lot of our warehouse complex was paved last week. Ever since then, I've been meaning to get out and rollerblade around it; I love blading on freshly laid asphalt. I have a really nice set of genuine Rollerblades that I bought, gads, when I was 19. They still roll as smoothly as the day I got them. They look like hell today, because they've been participating in the warehouse's controlled fiberglass dust collection system for the last two years. But as I brought them out and dusted them off, I was still proud of my purchase, and had cause to ponder how wonderful it is to have really nice stuff that looks like crap. My dad was always big on maintaining the appearances of things, I think mostly for resale value. But I tend to keep things until they die, so I'd rather they take on a certain, er, patina. I don't want people coveting my stuff. I want them to think it's crap, so they leave it, and me, alone. Meanwhile I have a wonderful [whatever] to use without concern. It kinda bums me out that I can't make my beloved DSLR look like a piece of crap. I'd worry about it a lot less if I could.

But anyway. Unfortunately, not all parts of my rollerblades' composition have fared as well as the bearings and wheels. When I cinched the right ankle support up this morning, I only put it one click into the ratchet mechanism, and then moved on to my other boot. As I was lacing up the left, I felt the right one let loose, and thought that, since I'd only gone as far as the first click, I'd probably missed it, or got it cross-threaded, and it had sprung free. Imagine my surprise when I looked back over at it, and realized that the plastic of the ankle support had just snapped, back behind the ratchet mechanism. Major bummer, as, these 'blades without ankle support are, well, a challenge, to say the least. When I grabbed the two halves & tried to wrestle them back together, thinking maybe there would be some other way to connect them, the back split, right up the center attachment holes! Disgusted by the deteriorated state of the plastic, I ripped the matching piece off of the left skate without even trying to buckle it. It didn't put up much resistance, so I don't imagine I caused it a particularly premature demise. Then I rolled into the bathroom (no easy feat) and grabbed the vet wrap. Unfortunately, said vet wrap is veeeeery old, so it was much gooier than it should have been. In the end, though, it served the purpose, even if I did wind up with sticky purple fingers. It wasn't nearly as tight as it should have been, though, so my skating was cut a bit short by sore ankles. I can't feel them right now, but I'm sure tomorrow morning I'll wonder who went after them with a brickbat. I've found some satin binding tape that I believe will have less give, so I'll give that a shot next. Ideally I was thinking of using some of Jeff's retired toe straps, but they all seem to have buggered off.

In all, I'm still pleased with my 'blades; they're a blast to skate, and I really shouldn't have gone so long without using them. Bonus: if there would have been anyone inclined to be covetous of them when they were intact but scruffy, there will be no one at all interested in them once they're held together with brown satin. :)

Academics Anonymous

This is toooo freakin' funny. I stumbled across the concept of hypertext fiction/nonfiction "books" when Jeff & I were touring the Technologies of Writing exhibit at the Harry Ransom Galleries in Austin. I've only just now gotten round to looking into the phenomenon, however. In so doing, I've stumbled across the Academics Anonymous document. Unfortunately, the preface page appears to be out of commission, but the remainder of the document seems intact. Here's the home page:
http://home.olemiss.edu/~djr/pages/writer/books/html/addictions/aa-tc.html

I really enjoyed reading through some of the diagnoses & drugs indicated therefor, but didn't totally lose it until I hit this page:
http://home.olemiss.edu/~djr/pages/writer/books/html/addictions/aa-ami6.html

And this one, especially the end...ouch!
http://home.olemiss.edu/~djr/pages/writer/books/html/addictions/aa-ami18.html

Eeeeyup. My name's Michelle, and I'm an addict. :D

Ay, Caruncha!

Not content with wrecking friends' cars, I had to go and one-up myself a couple of nights ago. As I was winding up a late-night visit with a (different) friend, I drove through a construction zone where some (*&$#%ing idiots had come along and thrown the battery-operated flashing lights all over the pavement. I managed to miss two...but took the third smack down the center of my undercarriage. Sounded AWFUL, but, i figured, meh, I've run over alligators before...it can take this!

Long story short...right after I dropped my friend off, the oil pressure idiot light started flashing erratically at me, and I knew I was in trouble. Since my Daddy didn't raise no engine-seizing fools, I got the heck off the road into the first open gas station. Got out and peeked under my car, and what do I see? Why, it looks like I've removed my oil drain plug! Oil is just pouring out. Needless to say, I didn't try to start it again. I called AAA, and waited the 2 or so hours for them to show up (sheesh!). The good news is, since I've been polyphasic for a while now, I at least had some night-owl friends I could call & chat with while waiting. Probably the best company I've ever had while waiting for AAA.

The really bizarre irony of it is....Mom had used her AAA towing just that morning! Apparently the selector cable for her automatic transmission snapped when she pulled into her parking space at Wal-Mart, so she had to have her car towed to the garage. Her bill, unfortunately, will be far more than mine, though, on account of the parts only being available from a Toyota dealership. :( Well, assuming I don't find anything else wrong with my car. I looked the undercarriage over yesterday before ordering parts, and, aside from the fingertip-sized hole in my oil pan, didn't see any other important pieces missing/holed, so hopefully my luck will hold out.

Aaaahhhhhh!

Finally! As a long-time resident of Florida, this is the day I so eagerly await each year...the first cold front! OK, well, the first cold front that actually has a bit of cold air behind it, anyway. And what a wonderful way to shake off the morning groggies after my core nap! Tooling around on my bike for the better part of an hour in air that's actually, FINALLY dipped below 70 degrees. :D I can't wait till this becomes a more regular occurrence.

Happy, happy!

Would someone PLEASE turn off that tap?

Ever since I tried to wreck my friend Rob's car, the great car spigot in the sky has been sending streams of GTIs (and their lookalikes, at least from the front, Golfs and Jettas) across my path. Just driving BACK from the gym today, I saw three GTIs, and I don't know how many of the other two. What the? You know how when you buy a new car, you are suddenly attuned to it, and so you then see it everywhere? I wonder if the guilt I now have buried within me is managing to pull off just that trick...just a bit.

On a much happier note, I somehow managed to get an "A" grade on both my first Logic test (no real surprise) and my first Precalc test (HUGE surprise)! So, I guess all this #&%*+@ homework I've been doing hasn't been for naught...

Cheers,
Auri

Migraine - Note to self

I just wanted to note here that I am currently experiencing a migraine. For those of you who do not know me well enough, I shall elucidate a bit. But my primary purpose is simply to log the date, time and surrounding circumstances of this occurence, should I want/need to be able to recall this information later. I cannot think of anything specific which may have precipitated it; it happened quite suddenly. I awoke from my three-hour core a little before 9, Mom had left a message on my phone, and when I went outside to return her call, it apparently struck then, because when I came back in, it was in full swing. A bit different from the slow creeping I've noted in the past. It is actually now dissipating, even as I type. When I came back in, I actually had to wait a minute or so to confirm that this was, in fact, migraine, rather than simple blindness caused by my irises closing down in the bright sunlight outside. General life conditions leading up to the time of affliction: experienced initial pre-menstrual cramping yesterday, have been consuming unfortunately high levels of caffeine for the past 3 weeks, had a mildly stressful event with a friend around 3:15 am, woke up from my 3-hour core and stretched quite a bit, but did not do formal yoga poses , "skipped" a workout yesterday, in the attempt to bring myself down to a Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday schedule, instead of the harder-to-plan-for every-other-day schedule. Last thing I ate before the attack was a really crappy Banquet meal of chicken strips, which was around 1:15 am (note to self: never again, no matter how many Jeff brings home by mistake!).

For everyone who may be concerned/sympathetic: Thank you, but do not fret. My mother and I experience a type of migraine that involves no pain. It's almost as if we get the preliminary symptoms, and nothing else, of what folks typically consider a migraine. Essentially, a buzzing, fuzzy, multi-colored light field moves across our vision, and eventually clears back off. It would be unsafe to drive when this is occurring, and it makes it extremely difficult to read or do anything else visual (such as computer use, ironically :), but in the end it is little more than a temporary nuisance.

She will take it back...

Yes, that title's a Pink Floyd quote, for any one who cares.

What I'm referring to is my body's ability to take sleep when it needs to, regardless of what alarms/precautions I set in place. I had another oversleeping event last night (from a little before 11 to almost 5am this morning), and managed to let down not one, but TWO of my friends in the process. Crap. Usually I have some sort of warning, like, I've been sitting at my computer microsleeping for the previous couple of hours, when I wind up oversleeping. This time, however, I was just the normal level of tired. I'd put my 10pm nap off because I'd not taken my 6 until 8pm (OK, so maybe my schedule is just a leeetle screwy), so I had no clue that I would be needing an extra-strength kitchen timer alarm to wake me. Thus, none was set. Thus, I overslept like a crazy woman. Come on, peeps....6 hours? That's a full night's sleep where I come from! It's like my body is trying oh-so-hard to put me back into monophase. Perhaps I should listen to it?

The biggest reasons I have chosen to stick with polyphase even though I could not make the full 6x20 schedule adaptation are social and homework-related. I really enjoy being able to go out with my friends at all hours of the day and night, and I also appreciate the flexibility to do my homework during the times when no one else is awake, so I don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything. I can't say it has cured my procrastination, but it has definitely helped a bit.

So, I suppose, if I were to return to monophase, it would only be the social aspect of my life that would suffer. There would be some friendships which I would have to let go completely, because they are entirely predicated upon the fact that I can hang out at odd hours. And there are others which would probably lose steam and die as well. I'm not sure I like that idea. Good people are too few and far between (especially within a reasonable driving distance) to let go of a handful of them in one fell swoop. So, I have my catch-22...return to monophase, and dismiss certain of my friends by default, or keep up with the polyphase, and occasionally screw them over when my body decides it knows better than I. I don't really like either option, especially given that, ever since I got my driver's licence, I've prided myself on being the World's Most Reliable Friend (tm). Always there when she says she'll be there, or at the very least courteous enough to call and say she's running five minutes late. Hell, up until '99 or so, I considered myself late if I wasn't at least 10 minutes early.

What to do, what to do...

Apartment life

I've been apartment- and cat-sitting for my mom for the past few days while she's in the hospital recuperating from abdominal surgery. All went well, and, as of yesterday, the Docs thought she might be coming home today. For the sake of her sanity, I hope that is true...she HATES being in hospitals, even as a visitor!

On day 2 of my stay here, I brought my bike up, in the hopes that I'd be able to begin the butt toughening schedule that would allow me to actually RIDE it once in a while this fall/winter/spring. This morning, however, was the first chance I got to actually go out. I was falling asleep over my Precalc homework, despite (or perhaps because of?) oversleeping on my previous nap by about 2 hours, so I stepped outside to test the temperature, and discovered that it was not quite the boiling, seething mass of air that had been hanging over this place the last few days. Thus I decided to chance a quick turn around the apartment complex. It was still dawn-y, but, being that it was so early on a holiday, there was no traffic to speak of, so I was OK without my front light (which as of right now lies broken in the warehouse). It was very nice, especially given the smooth, tightly compacted asphalt (and pothole-free, I might add!) of the streets hereabouts. I probably put in 20 minutes or so which, while it won't give me much cardio benefit (i was hardly taxing that capacity at only 13 mph or so), will definitely help build up mah butt calluses. :) I actually rode over to the far clubhouse a couple of days ago, to do a little cardio in the workout room here (wasn't wearing proper riding shorts, so, the butt tenderization began then), and doing that, in my walking shoes, reminded me of just how nice it is to be clipped into my pedals. It was a whole different world this morning, donning gloves, riding shorts, and riding shoes. SUCH a secure feeling, being attached to the bike. I've a friend with a high quality mountain bike, and was surprised to see that he just had standard pedals on it. He didn't see the need, given that he doesn't do much technical riding. But man, I'll bet if he ever tried them, he'd never go back :)

On a completely different note...is it just me, or has the Honda Fit taken off like a rocket? It almost seems as if all of the hardcore Honda fans who have been wanting an economical little car were chomping at the bit to get them, and all ran out on the day of their release to get theirs! They are popping up EVERYWHERE. I've watched the Suzuki Aerio and the Chevy Aero gain market share ever since they came out, the Scion xA took off pretty well, being marketed to the Gen-X crowd, of course my Echo has been pretty popular, and I've even seen a handful of the new-to-the-US-market Yaris about. But the Hondas! Having only come out on April 20th of this year, they must have a helluva fanbase to multiply so quickly. I'm just sayin', 's'all.


***update, a few minutes later***

Holy crap! The Fit can be fitted (ha!) with up to 16 inch wheels. I can't imagine why you'd want that, but...it's still kinda impressive. Also, its gas mileage, on an engine that has only 1bhp more than mine, is notably lower, at least on the hwy (33/38 mpg with the manual tranny, as opposed to my 34/41). Amazing what a difference 1hp can make...

auri out.

Latest update on polyphase

Well, I think I've finally got a polyphasic schedule that will work for my school schedule this semester. That is, one that will allow me to be alert during all waking times, and yet not require that I give up more than five hours to sleep each day. Basically, it's a pentaphasic schedule, with a three-hour core at night. In polyphasic parlance, "core" sleep is basically any sleep that lasts longer than a normal nap length (in my case, roughly 20 minutes), and cores generally come out to be some multiple of the normal 90-minute sleep cycle. At least, most people have a 90-minute sleep cycle. I am finding, however, that I do not, quite. I always thought that I did, but it turns out that at least some of that ninety minutes was spent in the getting to sleep stage because, now that I can drop off within the first three minutes, my three-hour core actually lasts somewhere between 2 1/4 and 2 1/2 hours. Weird eh?

I've also been doing a LOT of sleep shifting in order to fit in a social schedule during the past week and a half. Not so good. I even overslept one morning, and got to my Precalc class late. Turns out all I missed was a pre-test which had no bearing on my grade (whew!), but it freaked me out sufficiently that I've stopped sleeping in the van (which was my "bed" for all intents and purposes before I began polyphase, and thus has long-term sleeping associations for me), and I've started adding an extra alarm for the time right before school. So far I haven't needed it...hope I can keep it that way. Also, I don't go out on school nights, which will hopefully help.

In other news, Mom goes in for a surgery later this morning. It's elective, so it will hopefully be no big deal. But it means that I will be apartment- and cat-sitting for the next however long until she gets home from the hospital. Yay! A real kitchen for a week or so! Whom can I invite over and cook for.... :D

In other, other news...perhaps I can blame a certain ultra-embarassing occurence on my sleep deprivation...i.e. trying to wreck my friend Rob's car. :( Nah, I won't try that. He knows better (after all, he was there!). In fact, I was hyper-aware, because it was SOOO cool to be driving such a fun car. And the incident itself is irony of the highest order. It wouldn't dare happen when I'm careening around corners at 70mph. Oh no. It waits until I'm doing...2mph. In a freaking parking lot. I'm executing a U-turn, no big deal, right? And, I see this thing looming in the headlights that I would SWEAR is a Miami drain (side note here: apparently no one else in the world calls these Miami drains besides myself and my ex-father-in-law. So, for clarification, Miami drains are the shallow, v-shaped ditchlets that you often see running down either side of the road in this part of the country. They help with drainage. Where the Miami part came from, I don't know for sure, but, I would guess they're common in Miami? I never paid that much attention when I was down there. Neither do I know if they have a more commonly accepted name. But, if you know what I'm talking about, and you know the proper noun for them, please, by all means, comment away and let me know! Now back to our regularly scheduled blog post). So, yeah. I think I'm going to be driving over a little divot when...WHUMP! I run the car up on a nice, 6-inch-plus curb. Now, if this were my car...no big deal. I have 6 inches of clearance, easy. But NOOOOO! Rob's car is not just lower...it's LOWERED. With the uber-cool low-profile tires & wide-ass rims...big brakes...incredible-sounding exhaust system...short-throw shifter...ah, but I digress. Again. So embarassed I am literally feeling pain, I back down off the curb and pull over to a better-lit area so we can assess the damage...and hear a gut-wrenching dragging sound. He looks over his shoulder and announces that his entire bumper is laying in the road...AUGH! I get out and look at the bumper...intact! Then I run over to the item in question...turns out it's the splashguard/liner of the wheel well. Not good, but...not as bad as I had feared. We pore over the tire & rim with great attention to detail, and look around for any other broken bits, but there miraculously appear to be none. I guess there is SOMEthing to be said for low-speed impacts...So I deposit the curvy plastic in the trunk, and then discover, oh yes, the damage HAS indeed been done...he wants to drive. :( *snif* Much to his credit, however, he neither curses me nor takes a swing, so I don't think I've ruined the friendship. *crosses fingers*

Seriously...Rob...if you read this, thanks for being so cool about the whole thing. I'm not sure what I would've done in your shoes, but you probably did it better.

Back to school

Yup, in case you didn't know, I've managed to talk myself into going back to school. Not for any marketable skill this time, though, but rather for a course of study that will challenge me, and that I will hopefully enjoy: Physics/Philosophy. I love how they converge (albeit at the far end of the spectrum from where I'll be beginning my studies), and since they're both fascinating to me, I'm hoping I'll be able to stick with it this time. Not that psychology wasn't fascinating, but...

I find it kind of ironic that, were I to choose the "easy" way out (following my original psychology major), I could have my AA degree in less than one full-time semester. By switching horses yet again, I am committing myself to another couple of years of courses, because I have so much catch-up work to do in math. And math is about the only thing I have left to take. Well, math, and science courses which will undoubtedly be math-intensive. Welcome to the world of a professional student! I suppose that at least looks more respectable, though, to the outside world than my current job description of "bum." Hooray for being socially acceptable! NOT! Heh.

In other news...it's good to have Jeff back! Strange, after 7 weeks on my own, but nice. I've been slowly expanding my social circle, so that the next time he leaves town I'll not be stuck sitting on my hands quite so much, and one of the people I've met is a musician named Rob, who is based up in Brandon. If you enjoy folk/rock, you should probably check out some of the tunes on his myspace page here: http://www.myspace.com/shoogerfree. It's not often that I stumble upon an artist without a record contract to whom I actually enjoy listening, but he's an exception...and a pretty decent human to boot, so I just had to give him a plug here :)

I've also been tinkering with my polyphasic schedule, trying to get myself stabilized so that when I go back to school I won't be risking falling asleep in class. It seems as though I'm going to need some sort of what polyphasers call "core" sleep in my schedule, as, if I try to go without it, my body manages to take it anyway. Usually in the early morning hours, either between my 2am & 6 am naps, or my 6am & 10am naps. Since I've a class scheduled at 7:40am, my goal over the next week is to ensure that I force this to fall between 2am & 6am, so that I'm fresh & ready to go for school. I was hoping to keep my core to 90minutes, but I'm not sure if that's possible. For example, my body took a nice 90min core at the 2am nap today, but then decided it needed another one a little before the 6am nap as well. It is truly amazing, when you are so sleep-needy that your body just takes over, and settles such things for you. At a certain point, there is simply NO fighting it. So I plan to do the next best thing, and plan for it. Perhaps tomorrow (tonight?) I'll ignore my 2am nap, and sleep from 3am to 6am for my core...see how that works out. Since that's the time of day that I have the fewest reasons to be awake (not to mention the hardest time staying awake), I'm hoping I can give that 3 hour period back to the sandman without feeling too gypped. If I can make that schedule work, I'll actually be shifting from hexaphasic to pentaphasic. Probably not a big deal for all the laypeople reading the blog, but most polyphasers consider this to be a pretty tough schedule to maintain. I figure, it's an extra hour to wait beyond my normal 2am time (which, I often have plenty going on at 2am, and usually have to stop whatever I'm doing to nap, so that might be nice) and only an extra half-hour on the other side (6am-10am, instead of roughly 6:30am to 10am with the old nap schedule) to stay awake through. My class schedule has one starting at 7:40, and the other at 11am, so I will be able to run home (very close by) and snag my 10am nappage in between. So long as I can avoid oversleeping, I'll have it made! The good news is that, from about 9am to 2am, I have no problem staying awake at all, and can function at near-peak levels the whole time now. This is a vast improvement over my performance on a monophasic schedule, when I would have a sluggish wake-up period, followed by a few peak hours in the morning, and most of the rest of my day varied between unmotivated and comatose, when I was keeping something close to those same 9am-2am hours. Whee! Ain't hacking your sleep patterns fun?

Polynapping Aboard

In case anyone is still counting, it is now day 10 of my polyphasic sleep experience. It's to a point where, at least half of my waking hours I'm functioning at or near pre-polyphasic levels. I'm still having a bit too much grogginess for my taste the rest of the time, which essentially manifests itself as microsleeping at every possible opportunity, although the severity of the microsleeps varies also with physical fatigue levels. I did have my first oversleep of any duration yesterday, and really, it came in the form of an unplanned nap. Really, it was just one of my microsleeps that got the better of me, because I crashed out, right here in my office chair (albeit leaning back, rather than pulled up to the computer), for something between 20 and 60 minutes. I think it was closer to 20, but since I wasn't exactly watching the time closely when it began, I can't know for sure. That unplanned event wound up working out for the better, though, as it made me nowhere near tired enough to go to sleep at my next scheduled nap (1pm), so I had the opportunity to push my schedule back to the 2-6-10 schedule which I had originally chosen. I must say that this worked brilliantly, and I have had no other noticeable repercussions.

Tonight, going stir crazy from spending all my days and nights at the shop (and being awake for almost all of it!), I decided to head out to Cortez, and see if I could hang with Chris & his cousin Kevin for a bit. I figured, even if I missed them, I'd have a nice sunset to watch and a pleasant walk on the beach. Turns out I had little trouble getting his attention, so he picked me up & brought me out to the boat. When it came time for my 10pm nap, I asked Chris if I couldn't take it in the hammock up front. I've been wanting to make use of it forever, so I had him put it up for me for my nap. There was a really strong breeze, which not only kept me cool & comfy, but also made the forestay & other rigging on the boat vibrate, which then got transferred into the hammock...it was like the whole boat was singing to me! A very cool experience indeed. I never did actually fall asleep, but I got some nice, deep rest in nonetheless.

Day 7 of Polyphasic Sleep

Wonderful news! I've woken up from three of my last four naps either without or before the alarm! This is great because, when I wake up on my own like that (and I have the discipline to get up, rather than following the monophasic "I have more time, I should try to sleep some more" mindset), I generally feel far more alert and well-rested than when I wake to the alarm. That's definitely the case this time. I feel the most alert I have all day. Don't get me wrong...I could still climb into bed at this point and fall asleep, thus completely wasting all the work and sleeplessness I've put into it, but why would I want to?

Here's where it gets really weird...although the prescribed nap time for this schedule is usually somewhere between 20 and 25 minutes, when I wake on my own, usually 16 minutes has passed. And this last nap, my 1pm, I only slept for TWELVE minutes, AND I had a dream (previous 16-minute sessions have seemed dreamless -- at least I couldn't recall any dreams upon awakening). Unbelievable that I could do that, and yet still awaken SO refreshed and chipper! Especially when I look back over the past four days, and how much intense grogginess I've been experiencing, even after a deep REM sleep. It is also cool how much time I subjectively SEEM to spend sleeping. Whenever I get a dream, it seems to be the full-length kind, the sort that I had always assumed took hours to develop and play out as I was sleeping. But now I know for a fact that a full-on, technicolor dream can take less than 15 minutes. And not to worry, they definitely involve the same depth of weirdness that my monphasic dreams did, for example, in this last one, a scene where my mom jury-rigged my boat's sewage pumping function so that it worked with just the pull of a line...and then she accidentally demonstrated it and proceeded to dump sewage into my boat via the front hatch! Thank goodness it was just a dream.

So now my other wonder is...do I want to start going to the gym more often? Yesterday, my gym trip, including a short side "shopping" trip (didn't buy anything), took up 3/4 of my waking time between naps. When I then went to try to sleep, my muscles kept twitching, and wouldn't let me. So I wonder if I break my trips out into separate days of cardio & weight training, if I could avoid this unpleasantness. Or, perhaps the muscle twitch was just a function of how long it's been since I last worked out (I skipped my previous two because I wouldn't have been safe to drive). Part of me wants to go to the gym today, and just do cardio, and see. Another part, though, is warning me not to get too gung-ho, since that is what kills so many new gym routines. Not that my routine is new, but the whole context surrounding it is so new that I feel like I'm starting over again.

OK, well, as alert as I am, I still have trouble sitting at the computer for long periods without falling asleep (I'm beginning to see this as a blessing!), so I'm off to put away some of the laundry I did this morning!

Yay! I've made it to day five

Well, I've made it over the notorious hump of day three, and am now starting into day five of polyphasic sleep. I've heard here and there that day seven can be a doozy too...we'll see. I still don't feel quite "right," but most of the time, at least in the first two hours after a nap, I'm plenty alert enough for most activities. The one activity which I have yet to re-add to my schedule is gym time. Perhaps tomorrow. Today, Mom has a Dr. appointment that I promised to take her to (back before I was even considering polynapping), and that is going to necessitate an adjustment to my nap schedule. I'll have to nap at 9am instead of my usual 10. I realize it's a little early to be monkeying with the schedule but, it is, unfortunately, unavoidable. Since I want to be sure that I get enough rest to be able to drive tomorrow morning, I'm starting a bit early; I took my 2am nap at 1, and I'll be taking one at 5 instead of 6. Hopefully having the full four hours to get tired before the 9am nap will do the trick! The only question then is...stick with the 1,5,9 schedule, or try to transition back to the 2, 6, 10? Though I chose those numbers for some good reasons, they are, right now, rather arbitrary. So staying with 1, 5, 9 should be just as good. Since I don't have any pressing need to tinker it back to 2, 6, 10, I probably won't.

Day 3 of Polyphasic Sleep

Well, this little 'spearmint o' mine has been both more difficult and easier than I expected. There have been periods of time where, had I not taken to pacing back and forth through the warehouse, I would never have stayed awake until my next nap time. The easy part has been acheiving REM sleep, although acheiving sleep at all during a nap time is still eluding me, sometimes three naps at a stretch. :( Then there's the odd permutations of sleep you get to experience, such as my current personal least-favorite, "going to sleep for a couple of minutes then having only your brain wake up for the rest of the sleep cycle." A very strange one that is. It is not the same as lucid dreaming (although I've read that that is a much more common occurence in this type of sleep pattern), because my brain is truly awake and aware, and not just in control within a dream. Somehow, though, that sort of sleep just doesn't feel as restful as when I actually remain unconscious the entire time. And though I'm enjoying the extreme vividness of the dreams that I do have when I make it to REM sleep, it is the time dilation during sleep that is most striking of all. Every time I lay down to nap, the goal is 30 minutes. Sometimes I will wake up before the timer goes off (although, being greedy, I always try to sneak in as much sleep as possible rather than getting up at this point -- perhaps that's the wrong thing to do?). Other times I sleep through the timer and on into the snooze (five minutes after the initial timer goes off). But whatever the case, and whatever type of sleep I experience, it almost always seems as though I am asleep for far longer than what the clock tells me. The dreams are especially effective at producing this illusion. I would swear that I had at least an hour's worth of dream this morning, but digital clocks don't usually lie, so I apparently slept for only 30 minutes or less.

Oversleeping...this is a common problem I hear about from other folks attempting to make an adaptation to polyphasic. Surprisingly, I've only overslept four times. Two of those times it was because I slept through to the five-minute snooze mark. The other two times I somehow forgot to set my timer before laying down, and, amazingly, still woke up after only 40 minutes had elapsed! This astonishes me because I read about so many folks who lose 4, 6, even 8 or more hours at a stretch when they accidentally oversleep. Those sorts of "oopses" are also supposed to greatly slow down the adaptation process. So I am hoping that my luck holds out, and also that I don't forget to set any more alarms! I don't doubt that, given sufficient sleep deprivation, I too could succumb to a multi-hour sleep that would set me back by several days' worth of conditioning. And trust me, this is some rough condition to subject oneself to; I have no desire for it to last any longer than necessary!

Activities during this time period have been very limited, due to my very limited cognitive ability. As boring as it is, I've been making do with things like cooking, washing dishes, the occasional scrapbook page (no journaling, though; can't hardly think well enough to compose these sentences, much less try to remember all the important details of a trip a year and a half ago to preserve them!), a handful of Sudoku games (my success rate, even on easy puzzles, has dropped considerably. So, if you have any doubt that my brain is not functioning quite up to snuff, let that fact reassure you. I suspect my writing here is also dry and boring but...it's really only aimed at letting you know how I'm doing on this, and that it hasn't killed me yet, so, meh.), the necessary eBay formalities (I dread the thought of what errors I wrote into this week's listings!) a trip or two to the post office when I'm feeling alert enough to drive, and the customary visit to Mom's last night. I warned her that she might have to pick me up, but I was actually pretty OK yesterday afternoon. Not so much so today. Wouldn't want to try driving right now. Actually, I'd love to; I'd love to get out of the shop, maybe go down to the anchorage and stare dazedly at the drunk people, but I'd rather not risk my life to do it, so here I sit, boring you all with this tale of woe. ;) Thus, before you get too bored, I'll sign off. Hopefully I'll begin adapting within the next couple of days, and I'll have more interesting and insigtful observations to make here. Hopefully.

Polyphasic Sleep

So, I ran across the blog of Steve Pavlina a couple of days ago; more specifically, his entries on polyphasic sleep. I read through them over the course of a couple of days, and got really excited about the notion. Given that I doubt I'll ever find a more perfectly suited period in my life during which to experiment with such a sleep pattern, I chose to take advantage of my excitement, and start making an attempt to transition to polyphasic sleep. That's just how I am most of the time. If I get really into something, and make the most of my jazzedness over it, I can do almost anything. But if I let an idea simmer for too long, especially one as wacky as this, it usually fizzles. If you've never heard of the notion of polyphasic sleep, sometimes also called Uberman sleep, it basically consists of several short naps, evenly spaced throughout the day. I will let you read the blog referenced above, or google it for yourself, if you'd like more details. For now I will simply say that I am attempting the 6-nap version, with my naps timed at 10, 2 and 6, both AM and PM.

So here I am, within five hours of what I would call the close of "Day 1" (meaning, I was up all day yesterday, but began with my first "nap" yesterday at 10pm. I use the term "nap" loosely, as, during the 10pm & 2am scheduled naps, as well as a "tweener" nap at 4am, I didn't actually sleep. By my 6am nap, however, I was sufficiently fatigued to fall asleep within the alloted half hour, and actually start dreaming before the alarm went off. Ever since that point, I have been in a bizarre state of alertness. My mind is actually fairly sharp (once I throw off the initial grogginess that wants so badly to pull me back down to the bed at the end of a nap time), but it feels as though all of my bodily systems are running at a reduced rate. There is a brain fuzz that I can't describe; it doesn't seem to impair my ability to think logically or puzzle things out, but my focus is far less steady than it normally would be. Of course, "normally," I'd guzzle some caffeine to clear such cobwebs up. This is not an option on a polyphasic schedule, as any amount of caffeine will severely impair the quality of sleep had in the following nap (or two). Thus I am killing two birds with one stone: adopting a sleep schedule that will drastically increase the number of productive hours in my day, and breaking off my caffeine habit cold turkey.

Speaking of caffeine, I currently have a headache. I honestly don't think it's withdrawal-related, though. I'm pretty sure it's posture-related, as my lack of physical energy has had me slumping and slouching a great deal more than I'm used to. What bums me out is that, the only way I can reliably (OK, almost reliably, it doesn't ALWAYS work) get rid of a headache is to take some analgesics, and lie down. NOT an option right now, as laying down would guarantee me a messed-up nap schedule. So I will probably take the analgesics in a half hour or so, and hope that my 6pm nap helps activate them in the normal manner. There's something so comforting about being able to lay down when I feel unwell. This is the first thing I've noted which may make me, long-term, question my commitment to polyphasic sleeping. For now, however, I'm commited to at least giving this a good go (two weeks to a month, depending on how well it works), to see what life is like after the adjustment period.

New Mexico, Part the Fourth

Finally, I get back on the New Mexico track. Of course, y'all have probably forgotten that I even *went* to NM by now, but, oh well. This next installment covers what happens after we leave Los Alamos. My apologies to Mindy if I have forgotten or misspelled her cat's names. Many more apologies for not having captured a single photo of her lovely face among all the many of her cats. This is a known weakness of mine; my inability to ask people beyond my own traveling party to pose for (or at least consent to) photos. I did manage it once, at the very end of the trip. But you'll have to wait for that one. In the meantime, I give you:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/auri/189897175/in/set-72157594199641447/

Fuzzy-headed and jelly-legged

That’s how I woke up this morning. Cumulative sleep deprivation is taking its toll. I don’t know if it’s because I’m uneasy now sleeping aboard, or what. I do know that the mass quantities of mosquitoes who come to stay with me all night aren’t helping one bit. I’m considering staying at the shop tonight. At least there I’ll perhaps feel secure enough to drug myself to sleep. Definitely wouldn’t want to do that at the anchorage, especially knowing that Chris plans on shoving off for Lido some time today. It seems as though I slept much better here, despite my nightly episode of waking up drenched in sweat, no matter how cool it had seemed when I went to bed. I also suspect that this all might have something to do with the sleeping pattern I’ve attempted to impose upon myself since moving back aboard. Given that I usually wake up automatically with the sunrise, and then have to make a conscious effort to get back to sleep, I’ve been striving for a getting-up time around 6:30, despite the fact that I usually don’t find sleep until some time after midnight. Usually this kind of thing sorts itself out after a few sleepless nights – I will eventually run out of gas, crash into bed at 8pm naturally, and not awake for a good 10-12 hours. But for some reason that adjustment sleep has been avoiding me, and I’ve just about reached my breaking point. Perhaps my regular gym schedule is giving me too much energy? Usually I sleep quite well on the nights of my workout days (of which yesterday was one), but such has not been the case lately. Please, no, I am not ready to become a gym rat yet. Let there be some other explanation! Mom, too, was complaining of difficulty sleeping when I went to visit her last night. Perhaps it’s the fullness of the moon? I know I’ve noted difficulty sleeping during that phase in the past, but it seems so…superstitious to actually take it seriously. Last night in particular might also have been a sugar-induced jitteriness, as Mom did serve me a horrendously huge slice of cake after dinner. Usually, though, that leads to an eventual crash, which never materialized last night. Aw, beans. I just hope I can start sleeping well again soon.

Added later (@ 6pm): Is it possible to suddenly change from being a morning person to being a night person, or vice versa? Although I have long accepted that these two types of people exist, I also admit to believing that, if you were born a morning person (as I was), you would die a morning person. My father, a "born" night person, was forced by a job with standard hours to "become" a morning person, but it was only habit. Given the opportunity, he'd still stay up late watching television, reading, or whatever, long after Mom (the house's consummate morning person) had gone to sleep. I'm starting to think, now, though, that I've become a night person, and didn't even realize it. Normally the shift back to morning life is SO easy for me, and staying awake after 10 is a struggle. Today, however (and much of the time in the past few weeks), after a prolonged morning struggle, I find myself alert and productive in the evening, when I'd normally be good for only reading, surfing, and similarly non-taxing pursuits. What gives? Does anyone have any similar experiences to share, or evidence that it's possible to suddenly, and without previous warning or concerted effort, switch horses?

Assailed

It all started innocently enough. I walked in and handed my membership card to the girl behind the counter, who absentmindedly waved it in front of the scanner. Then, remembering that the computer was down, she grabbed the clipboard and wrote down my information. Expecting the usual “Have a good workout!” greeting, I was making to take my card back and go. This time, however, the outcome was different. “When was the last time you had your measurements taken?” she smiled sweetly. Me: “Er, whenever I started coming…five years ago or so?” This, I quickly learned, was wholly unacceptable! Pretty soon, “the girl behind the counter” became Heather, and she was on a mission…to help me get more out of my Shapes membership. She was tiny, the type you’d expect to work in a health club, I suppose. I didn’t really notice this at first, and her personality had already won me over before I noticed just how obnoxiously skinny she was. She’s also the second person I’d met in the last two weeks who idolizes the notion of living on a sailboat. She was able to confirm what I already knew…I’m much too fat. She was also able to help me gather up the motivation to start using the weight training machines again. And she has promised to call and pester me monthly to come in and check on my progress. In return, I offered to take her and her boyfriend sailing some time after Jeff gets back. Perhaps my gym membership is worth more than I thought.

My Apologies

My apologies for being so silent and boring for so long. I just haven't had the gumption to put together an entry lately. Something is once again up with my brain chemistry. I've been doing my best to right it; eating well, sleeping well, working out regularly, even supplementing with 5-HTP, but all to no avail. It is all I can do to get my eBay chores done and slap a couple of photos on scrapbook pages. I'll keep at it, though. This ill wind is bound to blow over eventually. In the meantime, I hope you are all having a fun and interesting summer.

Take care,
auri

Morning Funny

Yes, I realize I need to get back to uploading New Mexico Photos. But to help you keep your panties out of a twist, have a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_duMORCX0EU&search=snl%20target

Although I'm not much of a SNL fan, it's kinda one of those "you know you've made it big when..." things. Apparently, scrapping has hit the bigtime!

Do me a favor...

Go here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=mauriah and do what it asks you. I want to see how our answers compare.

Thanks!
me

Painful Scrapping

Who would have thought that the simple, joyous act of creating scrapbook pages could be so painful? No, I haven't slipped while using my Xacto knife...I'm scrapping someone else's photos! Not even on a contract basis, but rather I'm using found photos in my own scrapbook, because I failed to take any photos of my own at these particular places. I'm not sure why it is SOOO difficult for me to get layouts down on paper when the photos are not my own. It's like they're missing a soul, and so I have to tear part of my own out and put it down on the page to make up for it. I really HATE this process. I've also never particularly liked making pages without photos. I'm not sure which process is worse, though, since I haven't done a photoless layout in a long time. Whatever the case, though, I find it interesting that in the layout I'm doing now, my subconscious has actually guided me into creating a layout that will completely COVER the photos I'm using. It's an interactive page that will require pulling the photos out of sleeves. I must be pretty ashamed of myself. In reality, I didn't take pictures because I wasn't sure it was allowed. At least, that's my excuse for the lack of photos inside the buildings (I'm doing a layout of the glassworks we visited in Sweden). But why on earth I didn't even bother to snap any photos of the outsides of these buildings it beyond me. And now I pay the price for it. I've actually had to take the day off "work" today, in order to have the gumption to push through these layouts.

I'll be SOOOO happy when they're done, and I can move on to more harmonious, happy tasks!

Pretty for the day

Butterfly World in South Florida
Originally uploaded by Aliaaaaa.

Wow! One of the ladies on one of my scrappin boards posted a layout that featured a flower like this. It's apparently part of the group of flowers known as Passiflora (Passion Vines), and as the caption would tell you, it was apparently shot at Butterfly World in Coconut Creek, FL. I once considered stopping there, but didn't, for whatever reason. Now that I've seen some of the photo ops that await there, however, I will definitely have to see it the next time I'm in the neighborhood. Just gotta make sure I time my visit so that these babies will be blooming when I'm there! In the meantime, this photo is going on my desktop for inspiration. Props to Aliaaaaa for posting it!

Dilbert and Scrapbooking? YEAH BABY!

If you like Dilbert (which I do), and you like scrapbooking (which I don't -- I LOVE it and I'm addicted to it), you'll appreciate this. Alice scraps. Who'da thunk?

http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20060615.html

I'll bet if my old company ever runs into that dude, they'll wish they still had me on staff!

Tux vs. Club Scrap

OK, I finally broke down and purchased the Flickr Pro subscription (grumble, mutter). So I've now posted a lovely little photostream of what happens twice a month when I receive a Club Scrap box. My mom's cat, Tux, is SO helpful! But since pictures are worth a thousand words, I'll just send you over there to see.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/auri/168810540/in/set-72157594168308996/

Flickr is Evil!

OK, I don't really mean that. I'll admit I failed to read very thoroughly during my hasty sign-up. Thus, now that they've gotten me addicted, I learn that I can only create three photo sets within my free account. I will have to pay $25 for a year of Pro, which will then allow me unlimited sets. And I have this GREAT set of photos of Tux, Mom's cat, tearing into my Club Scrap stuff. That I SOOOO want to post. RIGHT NOW. But of course, thanks to a recent slew of doctor and lab bills, I am rather severely in the hole. WAH!

OK, Guess I'll stop whining now, and go try to earn some money.

Grump of the day

And now for something completely different...

Mom & I were discussing yesterday the sorry state that the English language has gotten itself into lately. Or, more precisely, the utter contempt with which it is treated by the vast majority of its speakers, ESPECIALLY those who should know better! For example, journalists and television personalities. Sure, we all make mistakes, misspeak, and pound out typos (I have quite a few in this blog, if you look for them). And during everyday, informal speech, I tend to go a bit lax myself, especially if you know me, and know I know better. Further, I often extend my laxity to this blog, with such faux pas as beginning sentences with "and" or "but" (see previous sentence), or using extremely colloquial spellings such as "prolly" and "dunno." These last two are primarily an offshoot of my time spent on instant messaging clients...they just roll off the fingers so much more quickly than their proper counterparts. But, dammit, I know better! And these people, these imbeciles who are supposedly more educated and more qualified and, well, just more better than me (*ahem*), are feeding the general populace's ignorance. For just one tiny example, visit my latest flickr photostream, and check out the wealth of boo-boos I found in roughly 5 minutes on Reuters.com. Is it because Reuters was founded by a German, so we're dealing with non-native English speakers? I think not. Not in this day and age. Not to mention the fact that many non-native English speakers, once they have a thorough command of the language, are more knowledgeable about its finer points than the vast majority of native speakers. I also used to think that this was solely an American problem, but I have since had the scales removed from my eyes by many a British journalist and blogger.

As an interesting aside, during a visit to the Harry Ransom Center in Austin a couple of weeks ago, I was stunned to learn that such highly respected authors as Mark Twain, H. G. Wells and George Bernard Shaw were proponents of spelling reform for the English language. Although I'm not 100% against spelling reform (I need only look at words such as through and enough to realize that ours is a bloody complex language), I'm not much for it either. There is something about voluntarily dumbing down our language to the lowest common denominator that grates on me. Severely. If English must "evolve" as certain of my friends would call it (*ahem* JEFF), then let it be dragged kicking and screaming into this phase; I would hate to have to look back on English as the language that blithely trod the most direct route to its own demise.

OK, I'm going to step down off of my soap box now, before I get very worked up (as opposed to just frothing at the mouth, as I am now).

And now, we return you to your regularly scheduled installments of the New Mexico trip...

New Mexico, Installment 3

Well, Jeff's plan of relocating the boat to a boatyard down south has been cancelled by a contrary water pump...or engine hose...or something. He finds that the bilge is flooding quite quickly as he runs the engine, so he has turned around and is heading back. He'll be back tomorrow afternoon, so it looks like I'll have a boat to stay on while he's gone...if I so choose.

In older news...back to New Mexico.

After we got home from the Tsankawi site of Bandelier, Jeff & I went grocery shopping, and, as previously agreed, made dinner for eight. He made his/Jannies famous Blue Corn Enchilada Casserole...er, Hot Dish...and I made Pumpkin Upside Down Pie. I must admit, I got the easy part. Everything needed for dinner was then packed up and hauled over to Jannie & Jim's new house, so I got to see it (I had foregone a chance to see it earlier in the week...but that's another story). I also got to meet most of the rest of the family. But did I take a camera with me? NOOOOOO. That would've been smart! This entire trip, I did not get one SINGLE photograph of anyone outside of my family, myself, & Jeff. I know I don't really like asking people to pose, so that might have something to do with it. But just not bringing a camera at all to the new house was inexcusable! But enough self-flagellation...Dinner was a hit, and when we returned to the home base that evening, Jeff got us clearance to stay another night, so that we could explore the remainder of Bandelier at our leisure the following day...which brings me to the photos, which tell that tale. Click here to have a peek!

It had been threatening real rain and intermittently spitting at us all day, as well as being quite windy at times. We had seen a wildfire off in the distance, and were concerned about just how far it would spread with all the wind. Although we hoped the rain would be a mitigating factor, we later learned that it had been started by a lightning strike :(

MUCH Better!

OK, I have found a much easier way to upload & share my photos with y'all. It's called Flickr. The more web-savvy among you will probably have heard of it before. I've been aware of it for at least a year now, but I've balked at signing up for yet another service. But having tried it, I'm now kicking myself for not signing up sooner! The only limitation is that I can only upload 20MB worth of photos per month, which essentially means that I can no longer share my photos at full resolution. A small price to pay, if you ask me! Of course, if you've just GOTTA have one of my photos in a size that will blow up or crop well, you can always email me and ask nicely. I'll probably be flattered. Go ahead, try me!

In any event, here's a link to my next installment. Use the More> buttons off to the right to navigate through, and click on the photos in order to read the captions. Or, if you don't care about the storyline, just click on view as slideshow (also off to the right). Just to give you an idea, even though this had the same number of pictures as the last installment, it took me roughly 1/6th the time to put together. Which means that you'll probably be seeing more and longer installments in the much nearer future!

Can I just say...

...that creating that last post was ENTIRELY too taxing? I don't know why it was soooo difficult. It might be because Picasa/Bloggerbot only allows me to upload three photos at a time, or because the combination of raw html & Blogger's Composer don't play well together, or maybe it's just because of the innumerable times I had to flip back and forth between posts to try to get all of the photos into a single post along with the appropriate photo captions. But whatever the case, putting nine photos into a single post is probably something I'll not be attempting again. I guess you can expect three at a time, until I figure out an EASY way to circumvent the limits. Maybe by using the Blogger component in Word...

In any event, enjoy the previous post, with all its goofy spacing and whatnot, as it's probably the last you'll see of that photographic length for some time to come. And don't forget that you can (OK, SHOULD be able to) click on any of the photos for a larger version.

Happy Friday!

Back home again, in old Florida...

New Mexico, especially the mountainous portions, were awesome! But at the same time, it does feel good to be back. Oddly enough, my sleeping issues are the reverse of what they usually are; normally it takes me several days to acclimate to sleeping on the ground (atop a Therm-a-Rest). This time, I don't remember any acclimation period for that, but I am having difficulty getting used to sleeping in the van again. Go figure! I think part of it may be that I have not yet found the perfect inflation level for the Therm-a-Rest I use in the van yet (it went with us on the trip). But whatever. I'm sure that's not what you tuned in to my blog to read about!

If you know me, and you know how I always carry two digital cameras on vacation, and enough digital "film" to be able to photograph one new thing, oh, every 10 seconds during a 3-week vacation, then you probably came here looking for pictures of my exploits. Well...I won't disappoint you, but you may have to wait a bit. I'm just now downloading said photos onto a local drive, and, since I do carry two cameras, there will be a lot of interleaving that will need to be done before I can call them properly sorted and offer up only the best for your consideration. Fear not, however, my virtually travelling friends! Here is the first installment. Viddy well!

Only in Texas would you find a restroom with a mural like this on the wall...

Our first hot spring -- Montezuma! Too hot in the top tub, but Jeff found the second one to be just right!

Our second hot spring -- Stagecoach (aka Manby)

View down the gorge where Stagecoach hot spring was located.

Bubbly rocks!

When it rains (on the plain), it snows (in the nearby mountains)!

Jeff climbing up to retrieve a copper sample from an unusual formation alongside the road in Santa Fe National Forest.

Bubbly cliffs!

San Antonio Hot Spring, creating its own beautiful, misty morning.

Morning Funny

I just ran across this: http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/163/12/1557?ijkey=cFLLxMdngN6es I couldn't think of any friends who are rabid Pooh fans that I could tick off, so I thought I'd share it here, in the hopes of amusing SOMEbody...

Oh my...

That's not exactly what I said when I started reading this, but it gives you the general idea. No, WAIT! Don't go there just yet. I found that site, though, through a rather circuitous route; first I hit a message board I hadn't been on in months, read a few posts, found one by a person with whom I felt I identified, she had a blog link in her signature line, so I clicked on that, and down a post or two was a link to the site mentioned above which, in a nutshell (if you've been a good little reader and not clicked yet), describes how the different Meyers-Briggs types travel. OK, stop, That was a lousy intro. Rewind. Let's try again. Play.

I found this nifty website today. It's all about the travel habits of the different Meyers-Briggs types. I happen to know, from books read long ago, that my type is (or at least was then) INFJ. So I found the page that describes me as a traveler here. After reading the first sentence, I had to exclaim my amazement, as the description was frightfully accurate. Well, almost. After having read the entire article, I'm actually beginning to question whether I'm still an INFJ, as some of the habits mentioned, while once 100% accurate, are now starting to mellow somewhat. To "divide and conquer," as it were, I'll elaborate below. My advance apologies to the original author, as I fear I will be quoting a majority of the article here as I dissect my relationship to it.

"An image of the INFJ traveler might be one of the "research librarian" up to her elbows in tourist guides, travel literature and brochures, estimating timetables and prioritizing complex lists in an effort to "chart a course" for squeezing in as much activity as possible."
This is the sentence I read that grabbed my attention. Didn't I just mention this tendency in my last blog entry?

"INFJs are interested in everything; thus they will be interested in sight- seeing: fine art museums, unusual architecture, the interesting attraction- anything unique about the locale- and they will often try to cram everything into one visit. "
Yes, yes, and yes. Especially the "anything unique" part -- this explains my great love of the site roadsideamerica.com. There are certain things the likes of which can only be seen in one place on the entire planet. I have always felt it would be a shame to drive by such attractions because I am not aware of their existence, even if their subject matter doesn't necessarily fall within my primary areas of interest.

"A typical way for an INFJ to approach a trip is to read up whatever is available on the location, either in print or via the internet. Free AAA guides are particularly helpful, cross-referenced against whatever tourist literature the hotel might offer."
How true. Although I might spend weeks researching a destination area of my own accord, I can never just blow by the literature racks available at rest areas and the lobbies of whatever attractions or lodging we stop at. I might have missed something! There might be something too new to be included in the CVB's web site! An interesting caveat to all this research, though, is that it has lost a little bit of its shimmer since I quit the working world. I used to LOVE researching my next vacation destination on my lunch break. It was almost like a mini-vacation in and of itself. Likewise, I would sometimes be researching an area for an appraisal report that we were producing, and find myself saying "you know, this sounds like a place I ought to plan a trip to someday!" Now that I don't spend my days hating where I am and what I'm doing, it's a little tougher to revel in the information gathering phase, but I still do it, especially once a destination is first decided upon.

"Trying to derive an "overview" of the destination is vitally important to the INFJ, and until they have a sense of the "big picture" it is difficult for them to make choices about exactly what they want to do, or how best to expend their time, and it also helps them manage a sense of feeling overwhelmed by so many new possibilities."
Sorta-kinda true. The article mentions this later in a way that is more applicable to me. The most truthful part of this is that, despite my being a big-time detail-oriented person, it does help me to have the big picture by having digested as many resources about a place as possible before making final decisions about what to do, because I have to know what the can't-miss attractions are and how long they take to savor before I can decide how to fill in the blanks between them.

"Because of their attention to Time and Task, and the superstition that such an opportunity may never come their way again, INFJs attempt to maximize the event and wring as much potential as possible from it, even if that means skipping over parts and only enjoying the highlights. "
Again, yes and no. I definitely subscribe to the thought that I may never visit a given place again. This is a matter of practicality, though; there are SO many places in this world that one can never see them all, so it seems like a waste to do any one of them too many times. Notable exceptions to this rule for me are Las Vegas and Disney World, since they're both such rapidly-changing, ever-evolving destinations. Once every five years or so is sufficient, though, for these, and the trip would still include side trips to other, new-to-me locales, in addition to the review of the main destination. Another minor exception is going back to see something that I saw as a kid, but hopefully I'll remember to cover that later. The "no" part of this is about skipping over parts; I tend, once I am someplace, to REALLY get absorbed into it, and take as much time as is necessary to process and enjoy it completely. For me to stay until closing time in a museum is not at all unsual, probably much to the chagrin of the person with whom I am traveling.

"Despite this tendency, an experienced (or self-aware) INFJ will make provisory arrangements to cope with sensory overload by scheduling in some "down time" if the duration of the visit permits. This may include an afternoon lazing by the pool, a quiet walk in a park, vegging out on some TV, or luxuriating in an in-room whirlpool bath -- self-indulgences they might otherwise neglect in favor of vigorous sightseeing."
Yup yup yup! This is especially true when I travel alone -- I probably have more down time when traveling alone than almost anyone. Mostly my down time consists of reading (pleasure reading, not reading guidebooks), an activity to which I am also greatly inclined when on a cruise. I find that this down-time not only helps me prevent fatigue and over-stimulation, but also helps me recharge the way a vaction should -- so that I don't have the issue of needing a "vacation from my vacation" when I get back home.

"INFJs are very goal-focused about their traveling, but not at the expense of others. Since people are important to them, INFJs will adapt their travel schedule to include or accommodate their traveling companions. (If a young INFJ is dragged along on the family vacation, they may spend the entire trip with their nose buried in a book rather than taking in the sights everyone else is enjoying, much to their parent's chagrin.)"
WAYY true. This actually makes it very difficult for me to travel with others. I am always so concerned about whether or not we are covering all the sights and activities that they want to accomplish that I am often more stressed out on vacation than when at home. Since I already know, thanks to all my planning, that we will see and do everything that I want, I also feel guilty that maybe I'm dominating my traveling companion's experience of a destination, so I try extra hard to compensate and, as a result, sometimes wind up annoying my companion with my continual questioning attempts to be sure that they don't feel left out.
The second part of this takes me back to the reason why I am willing to re-visit places I've already been to, but as a kid. I did spend much of my time reading or sleeping when vacationing with my parents. So going back and doing those same destinations with my camera in hand and my journal in my pocket is very worthwhile for me.

"INFJs favor travel bargains, and thus may be on the lookout for discounts, coupons, and multiple venue passes that maximize their travel dollar. I know one INFJ who wouldn't be caught dead travelling without her AAA card handy for discounts, and she displays her museum membership card wherever she travels and invariably requests reciprocal privileges. Certainly INFJs love those half-price theatre ticket booths!"
Although I rarely visit the theatre while on vacation, I will happily save a buck by showing my AAA card, and if I am in a place I feel particularly unlikely to re-visit, I will almost invariably choose to go with the multi-venue pass, despite the high price tag they generally carry, because they do represent value. Of course, I once again do my research before buying...what places does it cover? How much would individual admission to those places be? Is the whole cost less than that? If not, does it maybe cover transport in addition to admission? And so on. We did this in Stockholm and were not disappointed. I also did something similar while in St. Augustine. Places that are cram-packed with activities bring out the bargain hunter in me, because although I hate to miss anything, I hate even more to spend money unnecessarily. I can often justify paying admissions, but why pay full price if you don't have to?

"INFJs are reluctant to "bother" people with pesky questions unless they have a specific inquiry such as which tube line to take -- and even then they only ask if they've attempted to figure the solution out on their own first. They are especially pained by disturbing people in a foreign country whose language they do not speak, since they feel this adds insult to injury! In fact, INFJs can seem anti-social.

While INFJs enjoy social interaction with people they already know, their preference for introversion leaves them uncomfortable with strangers and "small talk." They dread the taxi driver's usual, "So where are you from?" or the bellman's rote inquiry, "Are you traveling on business or is this a vacation?" They prefer to be ignored entirely. Occasionally, INFJs might "pick the brain" of a friendly concierge regarding a good restaurant, which bus tours represent the best value, which museums are most worthwhile, and what time venues might be least crowded -- but having already done copious research, sometimes they know more than the concierge about what they are asking! "
Damn skippy! I don't think they have made a train, bus, or roadway system that I can't figure out on my own, regardless of any language difference. There are a few things that I take inordinate pride in, and this covers a couple of them: 1. my innate sense of direction and my ability to navigate as a result and 2. my love of and eager desire to learn more about languages. Although I am no linguist, I have enough bits and pieces under my belt to get me almost anywhere. And, as I learned in Scandinavia last year, once immersed in a language for a week or two, I quickly pick up enough to get along just fine. In case you're curious, jordbaer means strawberry in Swedish. Or was that Norwegian? OK, I admit, being exposed to two so similar languages at pretty much the same time did leave me with a little confusion, but the basic premise holds true; I can now find my way around town, shop in a grocery store (and know what I'm buying!) and ask basic questions (where is the toilet?) well enough to be just fine on my own, thank you very much!
Oh, and the "they prefer to be ignored entirely" part brought me back to one particular experience I had in Dallas, when staying at an especially uppity hotel as part of a business trip. It really steams me when the staff at high-end hotels want to do everything for you, then turn around with their hand out for a tip. Either it's part of the service level of the establishment, or I'm paying you to do this; not both! In any event, though, I'd rather take care of everything I possibly can by myself, regardless. I've never been waited on hand and foot, and having others do things for me just flat out makes me uncomfortable. Although it's something of a prideful matter, it's also a level of basic dis-ease I feel when in such an environment that I can't put a name to.

"Once they have arrived, one favorite activity is to indulge in a general tour -- either via double-decker bus or trolley car, which many metropolitan areas now offer (London particularly comes to mind). This helps orient the INFJ to the locale, and a general overview of the area gives them a better "feel" for the big picture.They greatly enjoy the personalized "patter" of a tour guide offering general history alongside interesting trivia about the area. Anecdotes are particularly enjoyable to them, and bring a city and its culture to life. A bus or trolley tour offers the INFJ "research librarian" an unparallelled opportunity to "soak up" information while effortlessly enjoying sights at the same time (a real-life travelogue!), and INFJs greatly enjoy being chauffeured around a new area and learning all about it in this fashion."
Mmmm, not so much so, although if the tour is an element of a multi-venue pass, I do usually indulge in it and enjoy it. I really do revel in picking up useless trivia about an area (part of my innate love of all useless trivia) from a tour, but to say that I must have a tour to make me feel oriented or to give me a grasp of the big picture would not be fair.

"Being Idealists, INFJs are particularly moved by locations that "speak" to them on some unfathomable level. Statues and monuments may spark a reaction both unexpected and archetypal. They enjoy empathizing with owners of historic homes (like Eleanor Roosevelt), Stonehenge "resonates" in some unspoken way, and the beauty and grandeur of national parks may bring them to tears and touch them in a mystical, spiritual fashion they can't easily verbalize."
One particular experience that comes to mind along these lines was being moved to tears while viewing the wall of police officers fallen in the line of duty at a police museum in Miami. I know no police officers personally (though I have lived near many, I've never become close with any), and I couldn't see any reason why I identified with them so strongly that I was touched in this way. Perhaps it was because I saw a parallel between them and the soldiers of my father's war, or maybe it was just the personal stories and notes that had been taped to the monument, but to this day I don't know for sure.

"One trap INFJs may fall into while traveling is accidentally spending more time reading the placards posted about an item on display than enjoying the display itself. INFJs are attracted to words -- and the words sometimes unintentionally take precedence over the exhibited item. This is why audio and guided tours often represent an advantage over wandering through a venue alone where, despite her best efforts, an INFJ might actually lapse into spontaneous viewing and linger unintentionally! (Which is fine until time runs out and the INFJ berates herself for not sticking to her schedule better.) "
Did I mention that I often stay at museums till they kick me out at closing? Seriously, though, now that I have moved to the realm of digital photography, I don't suffer from this quite as much as I used to. For example, when visiting the Swedish-American Emigrant Museum, I took photos of almost all of the words for later review, and just skimmed them while viewing the actual exhibits (many of which I also photographed, of course). I can't say that I ever viewed guided tours as an advantage, though; despite the fact that they catered to my love of trivia, I always felt rushed, and it seemed like I would have to do the whole museum again afterward, if I was to properly take it all in.

"INFJs usually neglect to schedule meal-times around the monument-hopping or battleship-touring. Often they will snatch a banana as they blow past a 7-11 on their way to the water taxi, or grab a container of soup from the museum cafe to wolf down before inhaling the Picassos and van Goghs. The majority of eating is done on the run, if it is remembered at all. Moreover, many INFJs are wary of unusual local food or strange ethnic dietary selections -- some even prefer bland or ordinary "comfort" food -- something familiar --particularly if they are feeling stressed by the travel experience."
Yet another yes and no paragraph. I do tend to neglect my eating during operating hours. But I am just as likely to go out of my way to experience local cuisine -- whether it be something exotic because I am in a distant country, or just the mom & pop diner down the street because I have heard from the locals that it is the best -- at dinnertime as not. Admittedly, money often curbs this as I eat ramen at my campsite, but were money no object, I would savor every unusual and distinct flavor a place could offer me, as for me food is very important to a sense of place.

"The INFJ is inclined to spend some portion of the trip writing postcards, letters, or email to send to friends to share the journey with them. No doubt some time will also be devoted to buying ideal "tokens" to carry home to bestow upon loved ones, and seeking the perfect "souvenir" that will *symbolize* the visit in some unique fashion. INFJs often snap photographs during their travels in order to "share" their trips with friends when the traveler returns home, and the INFJ prefers shots of familiar faces be captured amidst the glorious scenery or alongside famous monuments."
This one is actually mostly no. I don't usually share the journey while it's happening, but rather keep a very detailed journal for myself, and then share it with others well after the fact, when my scrapbook(s) of it is/are complete. Every once in a while I will purchase a souvenir for someone, but that tendency has waned since quitting my job. And as for photos...I remember having to explain myself more than once to my father, who kept asking me about the people on my trips. I almost never include a human in my photos. I am gradually breaking this habit, by at least getting myself & Jeff in the frame once in a while, but I will still go out of my way to avoid including any passersby in a shot wherever possible, and I almost never think to get photos of people we meet along the way, regardless of how interesting they are to converse with.

"A bad habit of INFJs is a tendency to purchase books at local venues whilst they are travelling, and they often end up lugging huge tomes aboard the plane at the end of their journey in order to read and research even MORE about their destination."
I'm not sure I'd call this habit bad, especially for me as a scrapbooker -- I like to have the facts, correct and handy, when I go to make my albums. I was particularly peeved when Kalmar Castle in Sweden did not have any guidebooks available for purchase, although this was mostly due to the fact that they didn't allow any photography inside the castle. If they had, I probably would not even have thought of purchasing a guidebook, much less of going to the extent that I did (ordering one after I got home).

"When the INFJ returns home from a typically whirlwind trip, they are likely to crave a "vacation from their vacation," because they invested so much energy into trying to "do it all." There is often a sense of frustration that they did not accomplish as much as they would have liked, and a nagging feeling they would like to return someday and do all the things missed on this trip in order to do the locale "justice." (Of course, the irony is that "justice" never occurs, no matter how many repeat visits are made.) Moreover, INFJ travelers aren't inclined to ever return to a vacation destination when offered the option of "conquering" a brand-new venue in its stead."
Yup, although this is naturally far less true when I'm traveling alone, as I have only myself to please, and thus get in a great deal more R&R than on most vacations (cruises excepted). As for the rest, see the discussion of Lost Wages and Dinney above.

The one thing this site didn't do was recommend the ideal Meyers-Briggs type of a traveling companion for an INFJ. So, anyone want to come travel with me? :D

Dreaming of the Desert

Now that it has been decided, and announced, and everyone involved knows and agrees, I can begin, in earnest, the planning for the trip to New Mexico. I started, a few days ago, with MapMuse, which was helping me plot the locations of all of the scrapbook stores along the roads I anticipated traveling upon. Then I said to myself "I have no money, why am I doing this?" I suppose it is because old habits die hard. Regardless of my ability to shop for scrapbook supplies, there are other preparations which mush be made. I must visit roadsideamerica.com, to ensure that I do not miss any kitschy or oddball attractions for which I might later kick myself. Then it's over to the USGS to map out all the hot springs we might come near. Then it's over to ghosttowns.com to find all the sites of that nature that are worthy of exploration. Then I have to research, well, everything else in New Mexico. I have a tendency, when I "do" a state, to really want to do it right. This is a far cry from Jeff's "let it happen" mindset of wandering into a place, wandering about, and then wandering off. But, well, we're different in other ways too, so this shouldn't shock anyone. Oh, and did I mention that I enjoy doing research? I guess it's just that I have, on too many occasions in the past, gotten home and discovered something that I missed completely in the area I was just visiting, and been quite angry with myself about it. I know it's unproductive to be angry after the fact, but hopefully it can be considered useful that it's taught me to plan ahead more thoroughly.

Off I go to research again!

What I know about me

What I know about me

I finally figured something out this morning. The reason I like buying and selling on eBay is because I enjoy research & learning. Like programming, it offers an almost unlimited learning curve, and with each increment of knowledge I acquire, I can make more money. I once had a friend who pointed to a 4-inch tall book about programming some language or another, and said “I just read that. Every time I read a book like that, I can ask for another pay raise.” Ebay works in a similar manner. Every time I learn something new, or begin researching a new niche, it opens up the possibility of making more money. And I have loved research since high school, at least. I don’t really remember when I first enjoyed it, but I definitely spent a lot of unnecessary time in libraries, with the ostensible purpose of writing a book. The book never materialised, because I was wont to jump from subject to subject in my research. I could never commit to a single subject long enough to even get a decent outline together. But that sort of style suits eBay to a T. Because it is so large, I can monkey around with Bakelite goggles one day, and then skip over to machinist’s squares the next. And every nugget of knowledge I collect makes me that much better when I cruise the garage sales the next weekend. Granted, that source is somewhat flaky in the quantity and quality of items it produces, but, unlike my mainstay (eBay arbitrage), there’s no shipping.

A Monty Python line fits here on so many levels…”And now for something completely different!”

In indulging my penchant for reading yesterday, I happened across a particularly meaningful sentence in an older book by one of my favorite authors, Tom Robbins. The book is Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, and the line is “It is more important to be free than to be happy.” I’m pretty sure this was one of the thoughts that spurred on the founding fathers of this country. And it’s one we would do well to bear in mind during the reign of the current administration. But such weighty concerns aside, it struck me much closer to home, and since that is what I know, that is what I wanted to discuss here.

I think yesterday was my one-year anniversary of freedom from jobhood. If I remember correctly, February 18th was my last day of work, and the 21st was the first day I didn’t have to go back in to the office. I think. And to think that, at the time, I believed it would be a date I would never forget. At any rate, many times in the past year I have pondered to myself about how happy I am to be free of the machine. There have been plenty of other times, however, that I have wandered aimlessly about, not knowing what to do with myself and my leisure, and wondering if I made the right decision. If I were to accept this newfound superiority of freedom over happiness as a truism, then I could say unequivocally “yes.” But I am no good at mindlessly adopting new mantras. I have to test them and turn them over and poke at their bellies and see if they’re ticklish or grumpy or flatulent or most of all if they truly resonate with me in the deep manner that I would expect of a phrase that is to become a personal tenet. So I am in the middle of this process now, and you get to see some of its guts. I would certainly argue that freedom is a precursor to happiness; if you are not free, you must work very hard to maintain any semblance of joy. But I think the real crux of it for me is, “how do I define freedom?” I will grant you that I consider my escape from jobdom to be a very liberating experience, but that in itself is not freedom. Freedom comes from beyond our external circumstances. Or perhaps it comes from a place before them. Even though I am free to do what I wish with most of my time now, I am still bound by monetary constraints. And the life I have chosen does not lend itself well, despite all my eBay research, to making piles of cash. Yet, like the early philosophers who, once a society was in place to help them meet all their basic needs, were suddenly able to turn their minds to higher pursuits, I am gradually finding the time to mull over this whole money vs. freedom thing, and finding it to not be what it first appears. Sure, there are people who manage to travel all over the world without having a steady income stream of any kind, and though I respect them, that is not what I am referring to. Mostly, I just think that freedom is somewhere inside of you. That it’s a state of mind, not a state of body. Does that mean that I was barking up the wrong tree when I quit my job? Not at all. Thank goodness! I definitely believe that different people must find freedom via different routes. That was just part of my route. The larger, part, however, is still ongoing. To be free, I must first realise that it is a state I already have within myself. Then...the hard part...I must begin to act on it. I do this. In fits and starts, stumbles and backward slides...I'm getting there, but it's a long road. When I make it, I'll let you know ;)

Being thankful

Being thankful

A new year, for me, doesn’t usually bring any resolutions. This year, since I began the year up north visiting my in-laws, I didn’t make any special observation of the annual change, and had no intention of doing so before or after. But sometimes these things creep up on you like cheap underwear, and I found myself one morning after I'd returned home, wandering around the yard thinking that I needed a way to put a new spin on life. This will be my first full year of unemployment (or self-employment, depending upon how you look at it), and I thought it deserved at least a theme, if not the full formality of a resolution.

I had been noticing a slight bent towards discontent in myself, and so I asked myself what I could do to help deter this unwanted behavior. The answer, of course, was simple: be thankful. In whatever situation is irking me, look for the thing that I should be thankful for. If traffic is slow, stupid, and stressful, be thankful that I have a car to get entangled in the mess. If I manage to get in a tiff with someone I love over something trivial, remember to step back and be thankful that I even have said loved one with whom to quarrel. Quite simple, really, yet seemingly so often forgotten in today’s world.

I think this was brought on mostly by my unshakeable feeling of victory in having escaped the workaday world. Even on my most depressed, cloudy-headed, miffed-at-all-existence days, I have only to remember that, hey, at least I now have the luxury of snuggling down in my bed and moodily sleeping the day away if I choose. Putting up with the BS of office life when I was already having a bad day was always the worst. The pure joy of a self-directed existence helps me cope when my chemical imbalance threatens to get the better of me. Some days I still can’t shake those blues, but at least I thank goodness that I have the choice of blowing off all but the most basic of duties (basically, eating and sleeping) without having to call in sick, or explain myself to anyone. Not that I ever even called in sick, but there were plenty of days I wish I had.

Occasionally I peruse the writings of other proponents of “alternative lifestyles.” No, not gays & lesbians; people who have likewise found ways to avoid needing a job or a business or a ton of ready cash or a passel of real estate holdings in order to eat and keep a roof over their heads. Many of them are downright passionate that no one should have to work for a living. It’s an idealism I can’t really relate to. I’m pretty sure that there are an awful lot of people who should work for “tha man” in order to make their way in the world. It takes a lot of intelligence, independence and desire to make this sort of lifestyle work. In fact, I doubt I would be where I am if I hadn’t met Jeff at just the right time in my life. I always thought that there must be some way for me to make my way in the world as a “renaissance woman” of sorts; I have been a Jacquie of all trades at almost every job I’ve ever held – I learn quickly, retain what I’ve learned, and have little trouble adapting to almost anything. But because I was well-indoctrinated into the security mindset – the “own your own home, can’t live without health & life insurance, and kiss whatever butt you must to keep a well-paying job” thought process – I couldn’t see my way clear to the freedom I craved. Finally someone came along and helped me understand that by lowering my requirements about a standard of living, I could greatly increase the quality of my life.

But back to my point…I feel that there are as many ways to live as there are living creatures, and so the mindset that no one should work for a living does not make much sense to me. I understand that for some folks, life on a commune is ideal; I likewise know myself well enough to realize that it would fall far short of what I desire. Besides, when you really look at it, when you live in a commune you work just as hard (I would argue even harder), but for some reason it is viewed by those who would choose such a lifestyle as less degrading because you are contributing your efforts for the good of the community. While this ideology does hold some draw for the idealist within me, the reality of it would not be fulfilling at this stage of my life. I still have a handful of consumerist tendencies which would not mesh well with the commune mindset, and I am unready and unwilling to give them up just yet.

Speaking of unwillingness, I found reason to rejoice in my life choices yet again over the weekend. Our food supply was dwindling, as was our bottled water. But since gaining my freedom, it has become one of my idiosyncrasies to refuse to go to the store during the day on a weekend. Early morning or late at night perhaps, but to brave such places on a weekend day (especially during snowbird season!) has been placed on my list of no-nos. There is nothing I need so badly that I will put up with the stress that such a trip entails. Sure, I suppose I could do the re-framing trick and look on the experience as a chance to practice my patience, but I honestly get enough of that practice going on a weekday; why press my luck? See? It’s the little things. I’m easily amused. Just being able to go to the store when I please makes me happy. Why would I ever want to go back to the world of living by someone else’s schedule, and being forced to buy into bigger and more expensive dreams in my spare time in order to preserve some shred of sanity or, as the ad agencies would label it, “happiness?”

But I keep digressing. My point, simply put, is that I’m pretty sure civilization as we know it would crumble if tomorrow everyone were liberated from their jobs. There is probably a pretty small percentage of people capable of spending their days constructively outside of the structure of the workday. The rest of the population would probably wind up adrift in a sea of boredom, drugs, vandalism and the like, just to keep themselves occupied. I know most folks dream of having more time to pursue the activities they love (assuming they are not so enamored of their paying pursuits), but to find yourself actually given those forty hours (or more) per week to fill of your own accord requires quite a paradigm shift. Prepared as I was, I still some days wandered about bored. It’s actually a challenge to fill one’s waking ours with creative, productive pursuits when you don’t have to “work” in the way our ancestors did just to provide food and shelter. So I read a lot – something I enjoyed immensely as a child but almost never found time for as a worker bee. And of course I have my scrapbooks, and the organization of my scrapping supplies to keep me busy. Then there’s my eBay stuff, but that’s mostly just dribs and drabs that I put forth to peck away at the load of crap sitting out in the warehouse, as well as to fund my occasional scrapbook shopping forays. I guess the brunt of my “work” is done in four or five hours of scouting at thrift & library stores, and perhaps another eight or so hours on Friday and Saturday mornings. Beyond that I do my needlepoint. Or go to the gym. Or help Jeff with whatever he’s doing. Or solve a Sudoku puzzle (curse you, who got Jeff – and by extension me – into them! Yes, you know who you are!!!). Or putz with a boat or a car. You get the idea.

I suppose it helps that I’m in recovery for my Type A personality. I have heard many a horror story of folks set hopelessly adrift upon the event of their retirement, for these same reasons – too much time, not enough hobbies. It seems that in most cases the preferred method of dealing with this situation is to go back to work, even if only part time. They are so conditioned to the working world that they need a job, even if it is an insignificant one, or a volunteer position, to give purpose and meaning to their lives. I would therefore reason that, if it is possible for one who has looked forward to their retirement for 30+ years to find themselves depressed and unfulfilled by not working, it certainly seems likely that others cut loose at even younger ages would have similar problems. Let’s face it; our schools are just a training ground for the work force. They test and re-test until they have assured the most homogeonous, dumbed-down herd possible in the current information society. They do their best to produce compliant, unquestioning worker bees. They leave behind only the best and brightest students, so that the simple-minded and conformist will early on develop a taste for rising to the height of their incompetence. Since the vast majority of the country’s population was so conditioned, would it not then follow that they would be quite aimless if the activity to which they were bred were suddenly yanked out from under them? So I say, work isn’t for everyone. But it is certainly quite good for most. Though I may tout and brag on my lifestyle, I admit it has been a considerable transition, and that it can’t possibly be the best choice for everyone. But since I have chosen it, I shall continue to be thankful for the power my choice has given me, as well as the sometimes rough lessons it occasionally teaches me.